Hello out there in cyber world

This week was not to bad as far as being sick and having side effects. Thanks God!

We went to the farm on Thursday, we went fishing. 

Willow caught 3 fish she was so excited it is so great to see her excited and  

experiencing things for the first time.

We had a blast and it felt good to be outside for a few days. I am taking the rest of the week off and goofing off.

I go back to the Doctor on Thursday to get my test results and then I have to take Willow to 

the Dentist for her first visit fun fun.

I had Bob and Donna Kelly come over yesterday (Sherri;s parents) I was so nervous about that for some reason. 

I guess I have always felt that a lot of my relatives from my grandparents era always thought I

was a drugged out freak( which I was for a long time) but because of what I thought 

they thought about me. I would never interact with any of them that much.

However I had a great time visiting with them and starting to realize that 

as my parents and Sherri;s parents and some of the older relativies in the family get older. Sherri and I will be some day the elders of the family 

now that is some scary shit right there.

I also notice a difference in the way us younger people seem to be in a big hurry 

and don't spend the time to just sit and talk and tell the stories that make up our lives. Listening to our parents talk and tell stories was great and I was glad Bob and Donna came over and I felt stupid for being so nervous about having them over,

They are really good people !!!!

22 more shot and counting

Whoa this was a hard shot got so sick last night.   I was up all night sicker that a dog. Feeling better today.  Dealing with  my daughters  dysfunctional life.  To old for that shit oh well. Sleeping with Zoie all day  makes ya tired she is a good snuggler. 

 I am so glad I started this treatment  it has been rough but i am positive  it will work. I am really sick of being sick but it is doable and obtainable..

\\    

1/2 way done with this S*#t

I took my 24 shot yesterday 24 more to go. It appears to be going better although I am somewhat hesitant to say that because as soon as I do it gets worse (but not this time). 

I really want thank everyone for the support.

Especially my cousin. She helps me so much with bringing me water to work and just general cheerleading.

She has come so far in the last two years and I am so proud of her.  I now know this was all Gods plan for me to help her so she could help me. Good one God!

BAby

I am a grandfather!!!

08/05/08

Zoie Keyndra Renea Ecker 

4:30 sunday am

Back to the sleepless nights. o yea!!. One of the thing that just drives me crazy is the unpredictability of this medicine. Sometimes I take it and I have no side effects. Other times I get real sick right away or two days later. Sometimes I sleep really good, other times I am up at 4:30 am typing. I don;t know what the variables are that make the difference. Never knowing what to expect really makes it hard to plan for the day.

On the brighter side I have taken 21 shots almost half way there  I can hardly believe that. Time flys when you shoot poison in your body (ha HA). 

Any way thanks for all your thoughts and prayers they help!!!!

It's been a while

Wow almost a month. It's been all I could do to watch Willow at night and go to work in the day.  Doesn't seem like a  lot but it wears me down. I have been pretty sick this past month not sure why but it seems to be better. I am losing my hair a lot of hair. It freaks me out. I am to vain to be bald, maybe. I had a lot to start with, maybe just the grey will fall out ha. I am hanging tough one day at a time still sick of being sick and limited but I know it won't always be like this there is an end it seems like a long ways a way but it is closer every day

sick sick sick

Was sick all last week and sick all weekend not sure why running a fever  sick to my stomach. It is very frustrating. I want to go out side and spend time with Willow but I just have no energy. I just need to accept it and know that it is not always going to be like this I am a 1/3 of the way done  with this. Did some blood work last week maybe that will explain why all of a sudden I am so sick. Went to a funeral  today Of Marna Goronson  a coworker. She struggled with cancer for 6 1/2 years. they gave her 18 months when she was diagnosed. She fought for 6 1/2 yrs.  She never did complain and went to work barley able to walk, talk, but she was there and was positive. It makes me  look at what I have going and feel stupid for  feeling the way I do 

ARG!!!!!!!!!!

I have been sick since Friday. I am so tired of this, so tired, I thought once I found out it is working It would be better and it was but.  i just feel so helpless, lazy and, worthless it wears me out to get dressed in the mornings. I am out of breath and have to rest just because I put my clothes on. That is pitiful.  I am not sure why i have been so sick I am going to call the doctor and get my CBC done Thursday.  One thing you can count on I am not going to let this medicine beat me and I am going to get through this sick shit and the depression, and the crazy thoughts and before I know it it will be over.

If you are reading this please pray for me 

Writing more

Thought I would write more.  One of my friends I grew up with  passed away last week. We kind of grew apart  when I jumped to full blown addiction in the 10th grade  A lot of these guys went on to college and  and had careers. I heard he died of a drug overdose but not sure. It is really sad he had young kids. 

I am  doing ok I am glad to know my medicine is working and i am not doing all this in vain.  I am still  grouchy and irritable trying to be better on that. Spent last week working  on a house with my dad it was fun made some money and did not have to deal with anyones problems but my own yea!!!!! 

Better go !!

Yea!!!

Went to the Doctor yesterday and got my test results. I started this process with a viral load 0f 4.4 millon my viral load when i took the test 2 weeks ago was 8900.0  So it is working !! Thank you  so much for all of your prayers

rough week

I was in The ER on Monday with a fever and  lung stuff the took a bunch of tests blood tests Xray cat scans got a couple shots and  sent home with Antibotics was pretty sick all week but I made it to work every day and hobbled through. 

Feeling better today going to take  Tues thru Friday off work to  take some time  away and  just chilll I need it. 

Sleepless

This drug is so weird or the side effects  are at least so unpredictable I have been doing well sleeping but now all of a sudden tonight the men with little bats are back and I am in terrible pain and can't sleep. And it pisses me off. I have only 35 shots left I don't find out for two weeks how it is working I think I will be much more happy and less stressed then to have it confirmed that this stuff is working.  Ok off to watch mindless TV and try to bore myself to sleep

Wow fast three weeks

 It has been 3 weeks or so  since I have written any thing. The two shots before this last one went really well I hardly got sick at all. This last one was rough again I go back to the doctor on the 6-5-08 to get my 3 month check up. Then I will know if this stuff is working then I ll either keep going for 8 more months or we will look at other options if it is not working.

I think it is working I can feel this bad for nothing to be working

Thanks for all the prayers!!!!!

Sunday 4-20-08

 Wow  What a weird weekend I took my shot on Thursday. It's kind of strange it all most makes you feel like you go into a cocoon and for two days and then its like you just emerge on the third day and it like where have I been for days  am I alive I have felt pretty good all day got out and did work mowed  cleaned and repaired  the duplex. 

All and all I think these shot are getting easier. It is just unpredictable one week not to sick next week really sick some consistency would be nice 

Friday

Rough week been pretty much sick all week physically. Work is kicking my ass So sick of stupid people making decisions that totally effect other lives. And all those people think about is  money and no regard for the human aspect just take care of # 1 and fuck everybody and everything else. MAkes me sick to my stomach.

I have this "friend" who has continuously  sent me emails that are very racist. I had told him several times to not send me that stuff because it is negative and not my views. Finally I had had enough he started attacking Barack and I emailed him and bluntly  told him don't send me racist emails. He replied fine and I won't associate with you any more either. Man I went off I told him I had the right to ask any one not to subject me to views like that and if me asking that was enough for him to end our friendship then it wasn't much of a friendship so i did not loose much. I have been friends with him for a long time even though he moved to Seattle we still have been friends. It really hurt my feelings. But it also lets me see why people with attitude like his are a big part of why this world is like it is. I was taught Mitakyue Osysin (we are all related) that to me means all people not just Indians or just white or just black all people and to foster though negative racist mindset goes against everything I believe in. I also believe that people have the right to believe however they want. But don't try to force those views on others

it just really hurt to lose a friend over something so stupid

Ok I am done I can't sleep waking up thinking about this so I thought i Would   write out and go back to bed all I can do is pray for him and other who hold that same attitude

Friday 4-4-08

Had a fairly good week this week took my shot last night, not bad. Have felt fairly well most of the day tired and sore but not real sick. So that is good. Not much to say went to the Doctor the other day  and had my first month check up He said everything looked fine Keep on doing the medicine and injecting poison in my body and come back in a month

3:05 am

Hello 

What a week it has been! Jacee's grandma died in Pocatello ID so we jumped in the truck and drove out to there. I was sick the whole trip until the last day so it was fairly miserable. It was nice seeing the Grand ma Bette and Mikey and we got a load of rocks for the sweat lodge good lava rock. And now I am home and had to take my wonderful shot and I am up sick again only 1 good day out of 7 this week. I want to switch that and have 6 good days and one kind of rough day. It will happen !!!!!!!

Tuesday

I am finally feeling better. This was a rough week this week with the shot and just physically feeling bad. I found a major water leak under my house on Sunday which had been leaking for several months so here I am still somewhat sick, belly crawling under my house cutting out plumbing. I got it though it was crazy. Thank God I can do that.
On a side note I am finding my self more and more less tolerant with people who do not want to look at themselves and work on their issues and I find myself around more and more people who tend to mock recovery and it just pissess me off. Me getting sober saved my life and probabally my childrens life also and for people I know in recovery to placate that and to joke around about using seems very disrespectful to my efforts and to efforts of the millon or so others in recovery. I say if you want to be sober then be if you don't quit fucking around and go about the business of slowly or quickly killing your self just don't mock my decsions. Ok I feel better now. I guess it is just an occupational hazzard of working with early recovering people.
Real Busy today just wanted vent that out and now back to work !!!!

3rd shot

This third shot kicked my ass. I got really sick right after I took it. I think my blood sugar dropped and  thats what caused some of the problem. I felt terrible all night and most of today I am getting better now. It really scared me because I had never experienced an immediate reaction like that. I called the Be In  Charge nurse That was a joke. Basically ended up just taking a survey and probably help them with their grant data collection and then she told me to drink more water I could of called my wife to hear that and could of skipped the survey. Any way thats over 45  more shots to go. 

Sleeplessness ARGGGGGGGGGGG

Up at 2am again this drives me crazy. I go to sleep well, then at two am, boom, wake up. I am tired. This medicine has me crying at the drop of a hat. I feel like I did when I first got sober when I would cry over not being able to decide what color of socks to wear. I am so easily frustrated and I am snapping at people I need to calm the fuck down. 

All and all this week was a lot better just a little different. My three year old daughter decided that she would take my glasses and put them in a VCR tape case and stick it back on the shelf. I spent 5-6 hours looking for my glasses. Acting like a crazy lunatic, crying, yelling, screaming, cleaned areas of the house that hadn't been cleaned in a while. Thank God for Jacee she methodicly looked calmly for two hours after work and found them I was ready to  go spend another 6-7 hundred dollars to get a new pair.

So it just the little things that are tripping me up and I am sure lack of sleep does not help

Friday I sleep !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Saturday

 Wow This week was totally different. I had no side effects what so ever and actually feel great all day.  I move some rock set up for the sweat did the sweat and felt great all day. I attribute it all to the power of prayer and to God. I do plan on resting  today and tomorrow don' t want to over do it. 

Friday

The second shot was no where near as bad  as the first one. I actually feel good now it was some what rough last night and early this am. But now I feel like I could  run around the block( Not Really ) but I feel good. Lets hope the next 46 go this good. I am looking forward to the sweat. I have a ton of people praying for me If i could get a Muslim and a Buddhist I would have every domination praying for me ( ha ha). I just pray  that every one praying for me  can be blessed with good health and nothing but positive energy in their life.

peace

1 week 47 to go

Well I made it one week. It was a little rough. I had to leave work early a couple days, however all and all not to bad. Went and gave blood to day so they could do a CBC and keep an eye on my platelets. The more I interact with doctors offices and insurance companies I understand why the cost are so high  there are a lot of incompetent people working in that field it is scary. I just took my second shot so that means 46 to go  yea  yea yea. I really feel positive about this I hate the side effects but they will subside soon and it will be ok. 

We are going to sweat tomorrow and I am looking forward to that. I have come to the conculsion that I have to take this one day at a time just like staying sober I could see that if I did not do it that way I could get overwhelmed and get depressed and discouraged. 

The key for me is to stay positive and remember this to shall pass and keep moving forward get up everyday and do one  thing positive and one thing to help another human being and get out of my self.  I'll let ya know how the night went    

Early Morning

It' s Tuesday MArch 4th (GO BARACK) sorry couldn't help it. Woke up pretty sore thank God for the hot tub. Yesterday seemed like it was starting off good. I quickly learned that eating the right food and the right amount of food is very important. I had not eaten to good all weekend. So when I was forced to go to lunch (not really hungry)  until I smelled the food then I ate too much and got sick. frustrating. Thats how we learn. Luckily I have a flexible job and could come home and nap and soon felt some what better. I had several friends call me yesterday to check on how my weekend was that made me feel good. I have a good friend who his doctor told him he needed to start the treatment. That will be three people including myself who will be doing this together.

It never seems to fail that every time I go through some life changing event that God places others who are also going through the same life changing event in to my life. Both times I was divorced God put other men in my life who were also getting divorced and we went through it together. Now I have possibly 5 people at different stages of going through this as a support team. Wow that is really powerful if you think about it.

Well I am off to start my day 6:00am

Thanks to God for allowing me to wake up,  breathe another day, for being sober and for having family and friends in my life today

Made it !

Made it through the weekend still feel pretty rough but not as bad as I thought. I am work and with the exception of a few aches and pain I am ok. Thanks to God for all your help. Thursady will be here again and I do this all over o boy!!!

Two Days out

Friday was some what rough, but no where near where my mind had imagined. I actually woke up this morning feeling really good better that I had felt in a while. Went out to eat with Jacee and Willow drove my old car around and had a good time. I took my reboviran  and it seems to make me feel yuky I am hoping that gets better given that I have to take it two times a day. Any way the unknown is over and I have an idea of what to expect. lots of resting and naps cool I like to take naps. Advice for anyone debating to take the treatment or not?  My advice would be not to read the message boards for hep c support find some you know who has been through it  talk to them. I fought going on this medicine for so long due to the fear of the side effects and one again I let fear rule my life. Thats how I got this disease I has so afraid of life that I hid in a world of IV drug use  trying not to feel and not been in reality I  had so much fear of reality. But When I got sober February 28th 1989 I was amazed that the only thing I had to fear was fear it self to quote  JFK. Same way when I decided to go to college  I was so afraid of college that I would not go when I finally went I thought this is great. I am not saying that taking this medicine is great but I think the end result will be great

2 am

its two am just went through some rough time from 10 pm until just recently was fairly sick. Not as bad as I thought. Just  chills to the point of having to get about 10 blankets. That actually help me the weight of the blankets  help take the body aches away  then woke up sweating like crazy and now I feel fine and am hungry thank God for raisin bran. I can do this!!! with God help I can do this!!!!!!

Day one

I took my first shot today about three pm starting to feel a little weird  not sure if it is the medicine or just the stress of not knowing. We'll see.

I had quite the experience last night i was reading on some hep c post about the experience some people were having all negative and it freaked me  out and I had an anxiety attack and was not going to take the medicine. Jacee really helped me through it. I have talked to a lot  of people today some who have been through this and one who is going through  this and I feel a lot better today. These guys all offer some support and will be like a sponsor to me while I go through this Thank God I am sober. Oh and today is 19 years of clean time for me  Yea Thank you God!!! I owe  everything to God. I  love my daughter Willow Wachie She is an angel sent here to help me    

My Misson

I am starting this blog to journal  my experience, strength and hope with my treatment  of Hepatitis C  that I am getting ready to start. My hopes are, by doing this I can limit my stress,  side effects, and the best part maybe help another human being by sharing my experience. As you will learn I am not much of a writer but the intention is there. The name of my blog is Pejuta Wakan  which is Lakota for Sacred Medicine. I am part Native American and have been practicing the Lakota ways for 15 years  I am a singer at Sundance. My Indian name is Wasteadoa (good song)

So I have hep c My viral load is 40000000 crazy number and I am at stage two  in this disease. There are 4 stages and one(1) is  for lack of better terms the best and four the worse. I just had a round of test cat scan liver biopsy (ouch) and the doctor recommends pegatron  treatment. This consists of a shot a week and daily riboviran pills. I am waiting on the drug company  to get me pre-approved from my insurance, send me the medicine and then start the treatment. I need to say that I am scared to death of this. However I am not ready to die and I want to be around to see my 3 year old daughter grow up and be on her own before I check out of this physical deal. So I am going to do it, its going to work and I refuse to let any side effects control my life. I have a lot of support, my wife and kids, my parents, sister  and all my friends. I have a strong spiritual connection with God,  and the spirits of the 6 directions. This part of the process is very frustrating. I have made my mind up to do this and hurried up and got the test and now I wait on someone and the stupid insurance companies to  get through their red tape. So I have no idea how this blog thing works or if any one will read it but Welcome on the journey  the journey to heal my liver and the journey to the beginning of my new life Hep c free.

I'll write again when I hear from the Drug Company.